What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
12.06.2025 01:01
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I know ,a lot about trauma.
(And it was in our own minds.)
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The only rule us 5 kids had .
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Put me off passion for life!!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Has anyone shared his wife with a friend? How was it?
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I was 9 years of age.
He resisted the act ,that day.
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Ive learnt so much.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Did Obito ever fully redeem himself in everyone's eyes?
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I could never make a relationship work though!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
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The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Is it just me, or do we all hate Sasuke from Naruto?
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
What are the signs of mild autism in a child?
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
It was going to be , some day.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
What it is like to have sex with a relative woman?
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
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We all went to grammer schools
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
But it wasn’t much.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
My life is so biszare .
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
My family never makes their pension either.
I was scared of men, in general
He knew the spot.
Would this be the day?
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
She married twice! .
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
But ive been too sick for many years..
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I was very sick at this time too.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
One cannot live in the past .
What did i know ?
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I couldn’t, believe it.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Especially a lifetime of it.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I write beautiful poetry .
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
So whats the point in blame.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
When she asked me how she looked .
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
She found it foreign!.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
So, i spoilt her more .
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Im dying but, im not bitter.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
She was in good health!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I will be 64.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I have no regrets .
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
But, we were locked up after school.
I waited trembling.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I was seconnd youngest,
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
As i do to all so called friends.?
She wouldn,t have been !
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I said to her
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I don,t even have a pension.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Who then, do I blame.?
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Comes on , in middle age.
This is soul school!.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Why did i forgive my father ?
They are buried together, in the same grave..
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Im still living with it.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
We were not on the streets..
All the time i was locked up.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I think the readers, may guess!
I never cut or harmed myself..
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
And i lived it daily.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
She loved him until the end.
He was dying to do it , i knew.